I received a message from my husband, while I was busy at work, that he is having muscle cramps again. He asked me if I could just join my colleague's carpool going home from work instead of him picking me up. My mind started wondering and wandering again. He asked me the same thing last Thursday but unfortunately, my colleague went home early and he has no choice but to fetch me.
Back to my story... Yes, as my mind wonders and wanders, there it is again! That prick in my heart and mind. That prick that brings me to negative world - paranoia. I started making questions - what if my husband isn't really not feeling well? What if there is someone else? What if he is just making excuses just to see another woman? What if? Apparently, I went far. Then, I cried...
I cried because I don't want this, I don't want to be like this.
When will I ever learn to fully trust him, again? When will I be worry-free? When will I stop being paranoid?
So I pray...
Dear Lord, as you said... "Be strong, do not fear." I believe you will rescue me from this solitude I bring to myself. I believe it is You alone who can help me to swim strong before the ocean swallows me into the deep. I believe for whatever it is that my husband is doing, you will always know it and will going to make it right. Oh dear Lord, please bless my heart. Bless me that I will be healed, and may learn to forget what happened in the past, and truly trust my husband. Teach me Oh Father, to respect his actions and touch my mind to receive thy wisdom and discernment that could help me in understanding and accepting my husband. Please bless as well my husband's heart and mind, Lord, that he may have the patience in understanding me until I am healed completely. Keep him away from any temptation that could harm and ruin our marriage. Oh dear Father, equip us to become the best spouse that we can be to each other, in Jesus Name I pray. Amen.
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